Navigating men’s physical and mental health in the ever-changing landscape of modern society
“Are boys allowed?”
This was a question I half-jokingly asked a good friend of mine, Wendy Wyvill, who is one of the most beloved and well-respected yoga teachers in Hong Kong. Wendy was recently teaching a weeklong course on breathing techniques and she told me that she had 12 women in her class.
When asked if boys were allowed, she told me that she had one male in one of her workshops previously. But it was mostly women who were interested in her workshops. There are lots of reasons to explain this. A lot of the expatriate men in Hong Kong are working in the finance sector. While they do not have time to participate in yoga workshops, their spouses often do. Wendy works at Pure Yoga, one of the largest and nicest chains of yoga studios in Hong Kong, which also has a membership base that is predominately female. And Wendy herself as a teacher, may just be more appealing to female students.
But I think there is something else happening here, because I have observed this absence of men in a lot of the wellness activities that have emerged over the last decade. Wellness has evolved. But much of that evolution seems to have left men behind. While men still participate in the fitness and sports activities that were a prominent part of wellness in decades past, there is a new brand of wellness, one that focuses more on mental aspects of wellness, that seems to be more appealing to women. Activities include mind-body movement and connection through yoga, Pilates, Feldenkrais or barre, or mental health exercises including meditation, breathwork, and sound healing.
Anecdotally, I have observed this gender difference in the attendance of wellness activities in our hotels and also in the participation in our corporate colleague wellness activities. When we set up an activity for yoga, breathwork, or singing bowls, the women will be there. The men can’t be bothered to look up from their computers. On a personal level, as a yoga practitioner myself, I often find myself as the only man in the classroom. Even though most men could certainly benefit greatly from incorporating these kinds of mind-body practices into their lifestyle, they often don’t.
A quick scan of research summaries on gender differences shows that women tend to be more proactive than men in seeking out professional help for their health. Women may be more attuned to their own bodily sensations and may be more open to sharing their own experiences with a doctor or a health provider. Men, on the other hand, may be more likely to downplay or ignore symptoms, and may be less likely to seek help.
Some of these differences may be rooted in biology, the most notable being a woman’s role in bearing children. The very act of giving birth means that many women are forced to confront a significant health event in their life from a potentially young age. As they go through the process of childbearing, they are experiencing regular health exams, often in advanced discussion about their health and wellness with their physicians, and having to make significant decisions that could affect their own health and wellbeing or that of their baby. That is to say that as a necessity of experiencing pregnancy, many women are exposed to open discussions about their own biology and health status at an earlier age. These are conversations that many men may not be forced to have until they begin having more invasive preventative health exams in their 50s or even their 60s.
A recent report by Health Tourism Worldwide entitled “Wellness of Men / Wellness for Men” suggests that the differences in men’s willingness to discuss their wellbeing are not because men are happy with their health. Its survey of men showed that less than a third of baby boomers considered themselves to be in good health.
While men today are encouraged to be “vulnerable,” in harsher times, men would have been rewarded for always showing strength.
A large percentage of them are experiencing chronic illness, and more than half have problems sleeping.
While men in the study report that eliminating stress is the number one motivator for practicing wellness, they tend to view physical activity as the most important pathway to greater wellbeing. Men may discount the importance of emotional, spiritual, or social activities, although research from the field of psychology suggests that these aspects of wellness may be the most important for both physical and mental wellbeing. George Vaillant, who for decades directed the Grant Study at Harvard Medical School, one of the largest and longest-running studies of men’s health ever conducted, found that healthy nurturing relationships were the critical factor in predicting men’s health as they aged. And Professor Chris Peterson, one of the founders of modern Positive Psychology, said the entire field could be summed up in three words: “other people matter.” But sadly, many men seem to prefer to tough things out on their own. They pursue more active, but solitary wellness activities, as opposed to the more communal, emotional, and spiritual activities that are growing in popularity today.
In Walden, Henry David Thoreau wrote “the masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” It is a quote I have often thought about (and resonated with), as I have passed through the trials and tribulations of my own life. Even today, it is all too easy to relate to Thoreau’s writings in Walden and to relate to this malaise of “quiet desperation” that we all experience, even though in the modern age, life must be dramatically better than it would have been in 1854 when Walden was published.
In reading this famous quote, one doesn’t really know if Thoreau is making a specific claim about the plight of men, which may be different from that of women, or if he is simply using the more patriarchal language of his time to refer to a broader statement about the human condition. Certainly, his thinking and writing were inspired by his own experiences as a man of his time, living through the rapidly changing world of industrialization and urbanization.
If we assume for a minute that Thoreau was trying to call attention to the specific challenges of men, then we would have to assume that men’s lives are (or were) somehow more “desperate” and more “quiet.” Perhaps the “desperation” arises from man’s traditional role as the protector and bread-winner of the family. Traditionally, much of human survival came down to men competing with other men, through wars, business, and even love. Men were expected to confront head-on the existential threats of the time, sometimes through strategy and leadership, sometimes through hard work, and sometimes through literal hand-to-hand combat or war.
The number of men participating in activities such as spa, yoga, Pilates, dance, as well as therapeutic social circles or discussion groups, seems to be growing year-on-year.
Similarly, men’s lives may have evolved to be more “quiet” because of the need to portray strength during these existential conflicts. While men today are encouraged to be “vulnerable,” in harsher times, men would have been rewarded for always showing strength. Any admission of weakness could lead to losing the confidence and support of the people around them, or worse, exposing vulnerabilities that might encourage their enemies to come after them even more aggressively.
Today, we live in far more peaceful and egalitarian times. The threats that men face are not as dramatic as they once were, and the gender-defined social roles that were placed on both men and women are far more loosely held today. But reflecting on these historical differences may help us to understand the forces that may have shaped men’s attitudes toward wellness. With this in mind, there are a few things that the spa and wellness industry should consider in the ways that we communicate our offerings:
1. Men need more than physical wellness. Men need help with their wellbeing, perhaps now more than ever. And what they need is not purely physical. Men should be encouraged to experiment with spiritual, emotional, and social activities. Men should think more about the non-physical aspects of health such as mental wellness, positive social relationships, emotional flexibility, mindfulness, and sleep.
2. The dynamics are changing. Although men tend to be drawn toward particular kinds of wellness activities, and may feel self-conscious about others, these gender differences are breaking down. The number of men participating in activities such as spa, yoga, Pilates, dance, as well as therapeutic social circles or discussion groups, seems to be growing year-on-year.
3. These challenges are not exclusive to men. As the gender roles in society shift, more and more women are assuming prominent leadership positions across a variety of industries. We can probably assume that the “quiet desperation” described by Thoreau is not specific to any gender, but rather to the challenges of striving to be successful in a competitive and rapidly changing environment. Being in a position where success is secured by hiding our vulnerabilities, means we often sacrifice our emotional wellbeing for the sake of economic security or advancement.
One thing that is certain is that wellness is evolving, and this affects both men and women. Wellness of the past was mostly physical. The main topics were smoking cessation, cardiovascular fitness, and healthy body weight management. But today’s brand of wellness is about how we respond to stress, the relationship we have with technology, our ability to sleep well, and our ability to connect well with those around us in an increasingly fast-paced and hyper-connected world of technology. We all need to avail ourselves of new tools and pathways available to maintain, not only our physical health, but our emotional and spiritual wellbeing.